The Pink Poet Diaries

Thousands of phrases are packed in a small place.
Running around like an eternal race.
Phrases hitting phrases and together they combine.
Such is the workings of the poetical mind.

Starring at the computer and over at the clock.
The phrases are overloading, another writer's block.
The perfect words I am seeking to find.
I am off in search of the poetical mind.

Sadness, happiness, and tormenting rage.
Are a few of the emotions it puts on the page.
True feelings that are one of a kind.
Such are the feelings of the poetical mind.

Where the grass is green and the sky heavenly blue.
Where there are no boundaries or limits in view.
Look deep into your soul it is there you will find...
Such is the hiding place of the poetical mind.

I looked inwards past all of mass depression
and underneath years of past aggression.
The wall that I put up it was hiding behind...
In my heart I found the poetical mind.

I've cried at the foot of Jesus.
  and danced with the devil himself.
                             -Cristie L. Clark

 I am the same today as yesterday
and will be the same tomorrow as today.
                         ~Cristie L. Clark

Lyrically I'm a fanatic with a rhyming habit
Constantly at it like a poetry addict,
In every verse, every noun, every word, every verb,
Every outrageous blurb for you to observe.
Even the most absurd things you've ever heard
Sound so contagious when the phrases
Are placed in proper places and remain intact.
In fact blank pages are my beginning stages
Where letters combine and entwine in time.
Somewhere deep inside my mind I find
The lever to unleash the beast whose clever
and never release any peace forever
Severed from anything I plan to endeavor....

Finished this 07-31-2007...to be continued!

To seek the world, you must dare to fly.
Laugh with the heart and shake the sky
Shoot for the stars, never to fade.
Spin the wheel, draw the blade.
You will cry tears of jade.
Song, Reason, Rhythm, and Rhyme...
Future's past is now the time.

07/31/2007......TBC

Writing was all I had,
  you couldn't take that from me.
That's how I know,
  God blessed me with this ability.
To express myself, to show my love
  through all life's adversity.

My pen was there...
To help me vent,
  to let the emotion flow
My pen was my friend
  you never cared to know.

So many things I wanted to do,
  so many things to explore
Now I realize, a bit too late,
  there was so much more.

A listening ear, through all of my depression.
When no one seems to care...
You're my form of self-expression.

Together, we have spent a whole lot of time.
Your ink is always ready...
For when my thoughts intertwine.

Your casing, very smooth to the touch.
Your shine, so elegant...
We've worked through so much.

You've been put through the hardest test.
Dropped, rolled, and thrown,
You've been better than the rest.

It won't be long, we will meet again.
You are the very best...
You're my "writers pen."

Surrounded by a man
  who left this world too early.
Time Life's, tins, and paintings
  hanging oh so very closely.
This house is a museum
  for the King of Rock n' Roll,
Beloved by so many,
  may God rest his soul.

You name it, it's here...
  dolls, rugs, and steins.
This is only the beginning
  of the legendary shrine.
Jewelry, ornaments, and records
  all in tall lit cases.
Pictures, calendars, and paintings
  leave no empty spaces.

Let's not forget the dogs,
  for they are number one.
As you can begin to see
  the list goes on and on.
From books, bedding, posters...
  cards and candy,
To purses, knives, collages,
  and the finest drawings.
This woman has devoted
  her life willingly.
She is in love with the man
  named "Elvis Presley"

Have you ever seen the world;
Through a pair of blind eyes?
Can you see?
Can you see through the world's disguise?
Can you see the bird of prey as it flies;
Spreading chaos, deceit and lies?

Have you ever heard the world;
With a pair of deaf ears?
Can you hear?
Can you hear yourself expressing your fears?
How about the painful un-ending tears;
Of an alcoholic needing just one more beer?

If we can see and hear the world;
Then why don't we try?
Why don't we try to end a starving kids' cry?
Or stop depressed people from wanting to die?
Why don't we stop pretending life is fair, end the lie?

Why don't we try?
Try to Unite.

I haven't seen happiness
  many times in my life.
Stricken with sadness,
  grief pain, and strife.

New days lie ahead,
  I look forward to see...
How this new life unfolds...
  how happiness sets me free.

This whole concept
  so new, I admit.
So hard to move on
  can't seem to forget.

But I have come to terms
  it's my only way out.
At the end of the road,
  this is my last route.

Hey Baby..."I love you",
  haven't said that in a while.
But I feel like I'm back,
  baby girl's got 'er smile.

It's been a long time
  since I have felt this way.
Now I am realizing
  what you went through day after day.

I'm sorry I've let my mother
  take over my life.
But now, I'm all yours...
  back to being your wife.

I am looking forward
  to more happy days.
I am hoping and praying
  this happiness stays.

Tonight I am waiting,
  wishing you were here.
For only when I am with you,
  do I never feel fear.

So while you are working
  I will patiently wait.
I'll be here with you
  with every breath that I take.

The seizures that you have,
The xanax's that you crave,
The bottle that you drink,
The weed that you inhale,
These are only a few of the details.

All of your problems,
  all blamed on me...
Have you ever taken responsibility?

The neglect that I've felt
The scars I have today
Your hateful words was the worst of the pain.

I don't want to say it,
  but it's you I despise.
When I think of you,
  my heart becomes paralyzed.

I remember things from being a child...
  that I know you can't
   even see how.
You lied to me,
  told me it was all just a dream...
But now I know
  it was part of your scheme.

I prayed so many nights
 for Daddy to leave you
Pack up everything
  you wouldn't have a clue.
That day never came
  unfortunately,
So he's as much to blame,
  he's just as guilty.

Daddy's little girl
  that's what I was...
But you got your way, Why?
  Just because.
That's who you are...
  "Mrs. All About Me"
My short life
  has been a long journey.
But you wouldn't know,
  you don't even care
So many of my memories,
  is such a nightmare.

I don't know
  what went wrong in your life.
But now I am woman
  learning to be a wife.
All on my own
  'cause I couldn't learn from you
So much I've learned
  I've had to make-do.

Somehow,Somewhere,
  deep inside of me
I know this fear
  is my reality.
I'll be this way
  to the day I rest
So sad, So lonely
  I'll leave depressed.

Just a little girl,
  thrown out on my own.
Still in high school,
  with no place to call home.

Lost in the dark
  feeling my through.
I've cried out many times,
  you never had a clue.

It seems I get lost
  on every path that I take.
It seems I can't figure out
  which decision to make.

Feelings of torment,
  sorrow and pain.
I've cried so much,
  the tears left stains.

Why God?
  Why?
Has my life been this way?
A lifelong journey
  in search of a brighter day.

So many questions
  with no answers ever given.
Nothing left to do
  but to keep on living.

I could love you,
  if you were real.
Embrace the moment,
  truly feel...
Loves true worth,
  but sadly know...
Your plastic smile
  has got to go.
Hindsight haunts
  your waking hours.
Regret will linger
  turn you sour.
Fortune missed
  the ferry home...
You’ll pay the price
  and live alone.
You’ll never know
  how much I cared.
But now it’s gone,
  our story’s snared.

My past is now my present,
  that haunts my waking hours.
I've tried to escape it...
  but I can't find the power.

Twenty four years,
  so much you have missed.
Now you take my son,
  whom I can't even kiss.

I guess the whiskey makes you happy,
  the pills relax your brain,
    the weed calms your nerves...
  you're only running from the pain.

Keep lying to yourself...
  you've never done any wrong.
Now my son will grow up
  with the same feelings I have known.

Have you ever even thought about
  the pain that I have suffered?
I guess that saying stands true...
  What doesn't kill me, makes me tougher.

I've come to the realization,
  I had to pull myself away...
Because of your addictions
  this is the price I have to pay.

I'm a daughter, a mother,
  a lover, and a friend.
I've endured and I have struggled,
  remaining strong to the end.

I am a free spirit,
  haunted by depression.
I've picked and moved on...
  dealt with so much agression.
 
I can't begin to tell you
  about the torment in my life.
The hurt that I have felt
  has cut like a knife.

I have had it all
  and had it all taken away...
Now all I have is memories
  I replay everyday.

Dear Daddy, I love you...
  I only wish you knew.
So much I don't understand,
  so much that isn't true.

I never ever thought
  that we would drift apart.
I never ever thought 
  I'd have this sadness in my heart.

I've missed you so much,
  more than you know.
I cried out to you
  when I was at my low.

But, it was too late
  my Daddy was gone...
She had got her way
  and left me all alone.

I will always wait
  for your much wanted return.
But until that day
  my heart will always burn.

I search for the words
  to express these new emotions.
                        ~ Cristie Clark ~

I've waited for this day
  for many years to come.
So many memories
  had left my soul numb.

But maybe this time,
  I can finally move on.
Forget all your lies
  and know that you're gone.

You haven't been there
  for me through the years.
A friend, A mother...
  through all of my tears.

I really have nothing
  to hold on to.
I've tried, I've cried,
  what else could I do?

You have silently spoken,
  leave you alone...
So this is it mama,
  your only child's gone.

Woke up this morning
  with a smile on my face.
Mailed off my depression
  now happiness takes its place.

I lost my confidence
  a long time ago.
But, now its back
  more than you know.

See, the words in that letter
  that I mailed to my mother...
Words of goodbye,
  a new life I'll discover.

Her pain and aggression
  will haunt me no longer.
What lies in store for me
  I can only wonder.

Tears of happieness,
  well, that tears I've never cried.
Tears for my mother,
  Never again... I tried.

Today is the end
  of what all depression took.
Today marks a new chapter
  in my "new biginning" book.

*Inspired by the song "Heavenly Day"
by Patty Griffin. The first day I heard
this song, it fit so perfectly. I had the
greatest epiphany that I had to record!

The tide of life is breaking
  and soon we'll come to see,
That there is no ignoring
  what God has willed to be.

That which has been so able
  to tempt us in our youth,
One day we'll lose the power
  to cover up the truth.

And though the heart is stubborn
  just living lets us know,
That we are getting weaker
  the farther that we go.

When sails no longer flutter
  and days keep passing by,
When we can't change direction
  no matter how we try.

It's time to face the music
  that time has sought to hide,
And know that we are facing
  the breaking of the tide.

 
You are my only, and probably my last.
I’ve tried to be with you, but many moments have passed.
I never got to see so many of your first.
Being without you, that’s been the worst.
I’ve cried many nights wishing you were here.
My nightmare revealed…losing you was my fear.
The court dates, the trials never seemed to end.
The heartaches, the tears became an everyday trend.
I was the first to fight for you, when no one else would.
I tried to tell the court all about my childhood.
As they say, “Money Talks”…
That saying stood true and away I walked-
Away from that courthouse time after time.
She played all her mind games…told lie after lie.
I don't know why, Nana tore us apart.
But, no matter what she tells you…
"I love you with all my heart"
I know it’s not fair, you didn’t ask for this
But baby, I’m always here, waiting with a kiss!
I can only dream of the day we re-unite.
But for now, close your eyes...
Mama loves you, Goodnight.

Only a child...What do I do?
I didn't understand, but I had to tell you.

I remember the letter, just like yesterday....
It took a year to write...but it had to be that way.
I was so afraid and fearful, no idea what to do...
My love for you was dear, I knew you had no clue.

The words on that paper, they were so hard to write...
It had to be done, even if out of spite.
'Cause that is what I felt, for the man I loved so much...
Seemed everything changed, after that first touch.

My step grandpa, that's what he was...
Why me,  I asked.
Why? Just because.
I was so afraid to tell the truth
I was so afraid, I'd lost my youth.
But now there he sits all alone
My Maw-Maw left him...that's right she's gone.
The things he done, not only to me,
Will forever be embedded, in my memory.

How could he do this?
I asked to myself...
Doesn't he know my mother?
She's like no one else.
She didn't believe for many years to come...
She said hateful things, her words left me numb.
But that's what I expected, only from her...
I've never been what she wanted, only a failure.

But all this is over...I look back and reflect,
So hard to talk about...what a tough subject.
Easier now, than it was years ago...
Seems all I had to do was forgive and let go.

You have struggled...
  faced all lifes adversities
You have overcame
  I can't imagine the worries.

What you have been through
  -so different from me
How did you move on?
  You set yourself free.
 
I look up to you
  more than you know...
You're the strongest woman alive
  you've helped me to grow.

Your insight and advice
  has helped me along the way...
Your strength in Christ
  would leave others in dismay.

Your spirit,
  so beautiful and bright...
You're soul beams
  like the sunlight.

Everywhere you go
  you carry your wings...
The angels in heaven,
  you make them sing.

So supportive,
  that's what you've been
Where do you find
  the love within?

I wish I had mother
  that loved just like you
An angel with wings
  only I knew.

But I have,
  what's second best
I have a Maw-Maw,
  she's better than the rest.

Mistakes have been made,
  tears have been cried
Promises broken...
  Seems all is a lie.

How do we forgive
  the one who hurts us most?
How do we get over
  what feels like a curse?

This hurt I feel
  will never go away.
My pain is real
  to God I pray...

-To save my soul,
  To make me whole
-Allow peace in my heart,
  Never let me fall apart...

From the one's I love
  please keep them close.
They're all I have left,
  I need them most.

Grant me this,
  this is all I need
To place this worried heart...
  at ease.

The road I've travelled...
  Long, dark, and curved
Had to get back on track,
  I had to swerve.
Before I took
  another wrong route...
I had find another way out.

Life seems to at you hard...
  when you least expect it,
It can leave you tarred.

Like bullets and glass
  piercing your skin...
The pain is real
  where do i begin?

Seems I have taken
  every wrong turn
Wish I could go back
  knowing what I've learned.

From having it all
  to living on the streets
My life struggle...
  I will defeat.
I know I am going
  against all odds.
This life has dealt me
  a lot of bad cards.

If only you knew
  where I had been
My struggles are real
  this I can't pretend.

I've came so far
  in this short life.
Every adversity came my way...
  Stricken with strife.

The road I'm now on...
  smoother than before,
This life has something
  for me instore.
I know-
  this has to be true
I've overcame so much
  the goodlife is due.

I continue to wait
  day after day...
I know God's love
  I know he has a way.

Here I sit...
  pen in hand,
Looking for the words
  to show you where I stand.

My world changed the day I met you.
-Now I'm shining bright,
  before, I was blue.

You've been there for me from day one.
Through all the tribulations,
  to accepting my son.

We have had our ups
  and we have had our downs
But, one thing I know
  I will always be around
-To help you,
  to support you, in all that you do
-To hold your hand,
  to be your friend
God, I love you.

I never imagined
  we'd go through what we have.
But I couldn't have made it without my other half.

We've put each other .
  through immortal hell
I know I'm with you forever,
But time will only tell.

I can't wait to grow old with you.
You were my first love...
My love is so true.

You spark the innocense
  that lies in my soul
You show me you love me,
  that makes me feel whole.

I know you wonder
  how I spit out these words
I think of our love
  and they fly like birds...
-Right out of my mind
  so freely and smooth
-Right on to paper...
I can't wait to show you!

You make me feel
  like a little girl again.
I hope you know,
  you are my best friend.

There's so many ways to say I'm sorry
There's so many ways for you to tell me not to worry
There's so many decisions for me to make
So many wrong paths that I could take

I took 'em
Each and every one
Just for a little excitement
Just for a little fun
Yeah it was hard
But it made me better
I know what you don't
I now know what matters

There's so many ways to get back on track
There's so many reasons I don't want to go back
There's so many reasons to keep on going
So many emotions that I'll keep not showing

I hid 'em
Each and every one
Just to keep my strength
When I had none
Yeah it was hard
It was like death in itself
But I know what you don't
I now know it doesn't help

There's no more reasons to make my excuses
There's no more ways to heal all these bruises
There's no more changes for me to make
No more room for all my mistakes

Life is a journey
  that begins when we're born.
It all starts out easy,
  but can leave our world torn.

The roads are bumpy...
The trails are dark,
This life has only given me
hate in my heart.

Pain is what I feel.
Tears are what I cry,
My hurt is so real.
How could you just say goodbye?

I've cried so much.
You've hurt me so dear.
Because of you,
all I feel is fear.

Your spirit died a long time ago...
What a shame-
The mother I could've known.

My mind is in a fog.
  My thoughts are all hazy.
I'm drowning in sorrow,
  I'm gonna go crazy.

My heart is so cold
  for the one I should love.
She turns me black inside...
I need help from above.

This woman has killed a big part of me.

I look forward to the day
  my spirit is set free.

All I feel is hurt and pain.
She's my mother...
  what's there to gain?

She has raped the woman right out of my soul.

Now all that's left is for me to grow old.